Ending Relationship Help - The Two Ways
of Saying Goodbye
By Alisa
Chagnon
When in a serious relationship and in love with
someone, if the relationship falters and you are not receiving the love that
you deserve, you will most probably reach a point of wanting to end the
relationship. There are two ways of saying “goodbye”, a real one
and a false one. It is imperative to understand both “goodbyes”,
separating the two and decide which one inevitably is the correct one to
choose. Unfortunately, a majority of people will incorrectly choose the
“false” goodbye. This can lead to emotional distress, depression,
frustration and prolong the helpless feelings of a broken heart. A false
goodbye will cause an unhealthy relationship to drag on needlessly. Let us
take a look at the vast difference of false goodbyes and real ones. It is
then that you may see that taking the road of a real goodbye can save you
so much additional pain.
Regrettably, relationships can become unhinged.
Whether there is logic to it or not, one person in the relationship may begin
to mistreat the other. They may distance themselves, abuse the other physically,
verbally or emotionally, and show an increasing lack of concern and love.
They may break the bonds of trust, not follow through on what seemed to be
heartfelt promises, the list is endless. In any case, the person on the receiving
end is feeling frustrated, confused and usually ultimately dismayed with
the other person’s behavior. Anger may result, as feelings of rejection
develop. One may be tremendously let down that they are not receiving the
love that they are worthy of. It is a time of discontent and sorrow. |
| That feeling of loneliness, lack of receiving
adequate love and an overall dissatisfaction can lead one to decide it is
time to say “goodbye”. The problem arises when they in fact, state
a false goodbye. What is a false goodbye? A false goodbye is one in which
you hope that by saying goodbye, the other person will be prompted to change
their ways. Alternatively, you may even believe in your heart that you truly
mean to say a real goodbye. However, unwittingly and subconsciously you are
saying a fake goodbye, thus extending the pain of a breakup. There is a clear-cut
way to decipher if you are giving a false goodbye. Once realizing this, you
can understand what a real goodbye is, and implement this knowledge to free
yourself from a relationship gone bad. This will allow you to pursue a new
relationship in which you will receive the love that you deserve.
Concerning a false goodbye, it is irrelevant
as to what type of mistreatment you received in the relationship. The important
factor is to ask yourself this: have you really decided to give yourself
the relief of ending an unhealthy relationship and are you prepared to do
it properly. A false goodbye is just that. It sends out the signal that you
are not prepared to end the relationship. It signifies that you are not truly
ready to begin your life anew.
If you have wisely reached the point of wanting
to leave a relationship that you know if not good for you, it serves you
no benefit to hand out a false goodbye. If the relationship is over, if the
other person has betrayed you, if they have proven to be unworthy of your
love, there is absolutely no need to enter into a long discussion of why
you are ending the relationship. In this case, the other person knows why
you want to end the relationship. If they have consistently lied, they know
it. If they have betrayed you, they know it. If they are mistreated you,
they know it.
When saying goodbye, if you run through a long
list of everything you have perceived as unacceptable behavior on their part,
you are giving a false “goodbye”. Establishing the fact that they
are in full knowledge of why you wish to leave, if you talk about their
shortcoming in endless detail, you are not really saying goodbye. What you
are doing, is attempting to make them see their errors. You are attempting,
in vain, to prompt them to change their behavior. You are in a false reality,
believing that if you can only somehow convince them that they have mistreated
you, that they will realize it and begin to treat you in the way that you
deserve. You may even believe that you are truly saying goodbye forever.
However, if you are discussing in length the reasons for doing so, when you
very well know that it is information the other is fully aware of, you are
undoubtedly not in fact saying goodbye.
It is important to understand that true love
is difficult to obtain. One usually enters in and out of various relationships,
before finding their “other half”. It is a sometimes long and painful
journey. It is a journey that will lead to some heartbreaks and disappointment.
It is a journey that you must undertake if you wish to find happiness at
the end of the road.
When you realize you must separate yourself from
the person who is causing you emotional pain, when you truly believe that
you do not deserve mistreatment, you will be ready to say a real goodbye.
When you beyond doubt understand that it is in your best interest to separate
from this person, you will be ready to stop giving false goodbyes.
What is a real goodbye? It is a solid, authentic
goodbye, is which words are not said to convince the other person that they
mistreated you. If you are certain that the relationship must end, there
is absolutely no purpose to talk of their misdoings. It serves utterly no
function to discuss how you were mistreated. There is no benefit to trying
to make them understand your pain and sadness.
If true love were mutual, you would not be in
the position of wanting to end things. If you have recognized that they just
simply do not care enough about you, do you think they care to hear the endless
reasons that you are leaving? If they mistreated you during the relationship,
they will not care that you are sad. They will not care if you cry yourself
to sleep each night. They do not care. If they pretend to be ignorant of
their behavior, it is unquestionably an effort to continue a relationship
in which you allow them to mistreat you.
We have already established that any rational
person undeniably knows they mistreated you. It is a fact that endless words
cannot change a person’s core personality. You are smart enough to know
that the key elements that you seek in a truly loving and healthy relationship.
You know that attempting to fix a “bad” relationship will not work.
When ready to walk away, you must present a real goodbye.
This is not to imply that saying a real goodbye
is an easy task. Saying goodbye to someone that has been a huge part of your
life can be extremely emotionally difficult. There will most probably be
tears. There will be a phase of sadness, a feeling of isolation and perhaps
depression. You may feel you will never love again. Nevertheless, you know
deep in your heart that these feeling are not permanent. Life goes on; each
second that passes brings you closer to a new phase in your life.
If you understand and accept the above facts,
prepare yourself for a real goodbye. If you are ready to say a genuine goodbye,
the only reason you should be stating is that you are not going to continue
with the relationship. You will not disgrace yourself to a long conversation
of your suffering. If they failed you in the relationship, they certainly
will not provide support during the process of the breakup. If you are truly
ready to move on with your life, say goodbye in the most dignified way you
can: Short, simple and to the point. Prepare for the emotional change, recognize
that life will continue, keep your head held up high. Do not allow yourself
to fall into the trap of explaining things that need no explanation. Say
a real goodbye.
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Written by Alisa Chagnon.
Alisa31215@yahoo.com. Freelance
writer, ghostwriter if desired. Dependable, consistent and highly
ethical. |
