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Conflict with Your Ex? Reflections on
Relationships
By Amy
Barnes
We often try to coerce or manipulate the other
into seeing our point of view. Staying in conflict with your ex keeps you
from healing and will also have detrimental effects on your children. We
each have the ability to move on and to reduce the level of conflict in our
lives. Most importantly we have the ability to heal ourselves. Our healing
is not dependent on what someone else does or does not do. Taking responsibility
for your own life is empowering. This may also feel overwhelming and scary.
We may continue blaming others for our current plight in life to avoid accepting
responsibility for our own actions.
Asking for help when you need it is a healthy
behavior. Responsible people are willing to ask for help. Codependent people
are not. Ultimately you are responsible for your own healing. You are responsible
for what you do with your life and the kind of person you are. You are
responsible for the kind of people you invite into your life. Your life is
not the responsibility of your ex or of your friends. Most importantly your
life and well being are not the responsibility of your children. Children
need to be allowed to be children. They are NEVER no matter what their age,
responsible for your divorce or for any adult decision you make.
Developing a healthy relationship with your ex
is beneficial to both you and your children. First be clear and realistic
about who you are and what you are willing and not willing to do. If you
are clear in your mind and willing to stick to what you say, you will no
longer be controlled or manipulated by others. Others may choose how they
wish to react to what you do or say. You cannot control what they do or how
they react. You can only control your part of the interaction.
Second, you may either choose to be right or
have a sense of peace and happiness, not both. You have to choose. Holding
on to anger and bitterness hurts only you and your children, not your ex.
Acknowledging your part in what caused the break up and forgiving your ex
are for your benefit, not theirs.
Third, for the sake of your children eliminating
conflict with your ex. Continued conflict has been shown to have very negative
impact on the development of children. You have the power to do that. If
stopping your part of the conflict seems impossible or difficult, it’s
okay to ask for help. This may be a good time to seek the help of a therapist
who deals with relationship and divorce issues. Be clear with your children,
particularly older children, what you are willing or not willing to do or
to provide for them. For all children regardless of their age, children need
access to both parents. Do not talk badly about your ex. |
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How
to Win Back Their
Attraction!
ATTRACTION IS EVERYTHING! Here's what to do when you think they are no longer
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Broken
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Find out how to mend your brokenheart caused by a broken relationship. Advice
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Did
She Dump You?
Are you a nice guy and still got dumped for a jerk? Learn how to be the bastard
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Your Ex Back!
Find out how to win your ex back and keep them hopelessly attached to you
forever more! |
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| Many long term studies have shown that children
of divorce thrive best when they have two loving parents who are both active
and involved in their lives and the conflict between their parents is minimized.
Children also have the right to love each of their parents equally instead
of being forced to choose sides. Choose peace for your sake and for your
children. The best gift you can give your child is the freedom to love both
parents.
Barnes’ diverse background includes a seminary
degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and Pastoral Counseling and a license
as a Mental Health Counselor providing a foundation for her extensive experience
and training in marriage counseling.
Barnes has taught divorce recovery programs for
six years and has written numerous articles on relationships and divorce
as well as given a variety of talks and led workshops on divorce and
relationships.
Back
With a focus is on relationships, both
personal and professional, Ms. Barnes is considered a gentle, compassionate
listener who assists individuals, couples and families in finding practical
solutions. She helps people develop their own strengths and find greater
possibilities and options for their lives. For more information go to:
http://www.lifeoptions.us |
|
Win Boyfriend
Back
How
to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back
- By using these basic, down-to-earth
strategies, anyone can get an ex-boyfriend back and turn a broken relationship
back into a loving, lasting one - or make their current relationships deeper
and more fulfilling.
| Getting
To Commitment
Mr. Steven Carter's great insights into
relationship dynamics are presented here in an easy-to-understand language,
and without overdoing the psychological perspectives. Many commitment questions
are answered here in this book. A must read for anyone afflicted with commitment
issues or involved with someone who is.
|
| He's
Scared, She's Scared
Available for the first time in paperback,
this follow-up to the phenomenally successful
Men Who Can't Love tackles
the issue of commitmentphobia, that persistent obstacle to truly satisfying
contemporary relationships. Authors Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol explore
why modern men and women are torn between the desire for intimacy and the
equally intense need for independence. Drawing on numerous interviews and
real-life scenarios, and written with humor, insight, and the kind of wisdom
gained by personal experience,
He's
Scared, She's Scared offes guidance for all of us who want genuine,
sustained intimacy with our romantic partners.
|
| Men
Who Can't Love
This book saved me from going crazy and
from wasting any more of my precious time with a man who is a consumate
commitmentphobic. I got this book after a therapist friend of mine said that
all my complaining and moaning about my commitmentphobic boyfriend sounded
just like the people in this book she'd read -
"Men
Who Can't Love". I got on line and nabbed a copy. What
a life saver! My jaw dropped as I read this book because it describes the
behaviors of commitmentphobics precisely as I have been experiencing my
boyfriend's behavior. It's so true that the more I pressed him for answers
while trying to understand his avoidant behaviors, the more he withdrew from
me. "I don't wanna talk about it" is his mantra. All his behaviors were laid
out like his biography in this book. It was shocking and revealing at the
same time.
|
| I
Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality
This is a
great book for an inside look at Borderline Personality Disorder. If you
have a person with BPD in life this book is a must have. If you have BPD
it will help you understand that some of your behaviors that seem unusual
to other are understandable and can be explained and
treated. |
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