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Relationship Addicts - Finding the
Cure
By Alisa
Chagnon
Yes, there are many types of addicts in this
world we have today. Not all addicts are addicted to some type of drug. If
you have been in and out of relationships, if you suffer great emotional
pain when a relationship ends, if you fell lost and incomplete when you are
not in a relationship, then you may be a relationship addict.
This is not to be taken lightly, as it can greatly affect your emotional
health, your self-esteem and the way in which you cope with all aspects of
your personal life. Work, other family members, friends and yes, you, will
all be affected negatively by this addiction.
The great majority of people, (woman more so
than men), at some point in their life reach the point of craving a strong
and loving relationship. When this craving gets out of control, this can
be very detrimental. One must first look to the reasons of why this craving
may be so strong. The next step is to identify the elements that show an
addiction to relationships. Once this has been done, one can then effectively
overcome this obstacle, if one truly desires to escape the emotional Hell
of being addicted.
Woman are taught from a young age, that finding
true love is the ultimate goal. Even with womans lib in
the equation, we are bombarded at a young age of timeless and enchanting
love stories. Cinderella gets swept away from her lonely and poor life by
a wonderful, handsome prince. Snow White is sent away from an unhappy existence
and finds herself happy and content, only for her happiness to increase when
the love of her life dramatically finds her and takes her off to live happily
ever after. Belle, finds herself in love with the Beast, and
she has a wonderful romantic ending also. The list is endless. Television
shows, love movies, romance novels and the medias attention to famous
celebrities in love only add to our dream of finding the
one. |
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to Win Back Their
Attraction!
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| Reality is quite an extreme to the fantasy
world of love. Reality shows us that love does not come easily. Most often
one must enter and exit many relationships before finding the one wonderful
connection. One must also entertain the thought that even once finding the
person we believe that we will go through life together with, the overall
divorce rate seems to rise every day, offering us absolutely no guarantees
of a lifetime successful relationship.
When the craving for a relationship overtakes
our life that is when one can be considered a relationship addict.
What are the signs? There are many, we will touch on the most common, keeping
in mind that these will all have difference variances depending on the individual
involved.
If you fall in love very quickly, this can point
to a problem of craving a relationship to an extreme. It takes an extraordinary
amount of time, patience and understanding to truly know another and reach
the point of having strong and true love. If you find yourself falling in
love very quickly, this can mean that you are not actually falling in love
with another person, but you may be in love with the idea of being in
love.
If you also fall out of love quickly, this can
show that you have no tolerance to anything that you deem less than
perfect. One must realize that no relationship is perfect. If you leave
someone at for a reason that is not substantiated whatsoever, you may be
searching for a relationship ideal that does not exist. Caught in the fantasy
of finding your prince, a mere mortal man simply wont
do.
If in your moments of being single, you find
your life almost unbearable, this can also be a very severe sign that you
are a relationship addict. If unable to function properly without a man in
your life, one can seem to fall apart emotionally. Depending on a man to
fix all of your problems, sweep you off your feet and love you forever is
a wonderful thought, however it most probably is not going to happen in the
fantasy way that you hope for. When the imminent breakups follow, you feel
betrayed, lost and angry that you did not receive that love that you felt
you deserved. What do you do? If you immediately go out and seek another
lover, you are a relationship addict.
When you are single and searching, if you find
that you have an extreme empty feeling inside yourself, this may be another
sign. If is, of course, quite normal for a single person to feel lonely,
to wish for a strong and healthy relationship and have a goal of finding
a lover. However, if in the moments that there is no man in your life and
you look to other means to fill the empty feeling that is also a clear sign
of being a relationship addict. Overeating is a very common replacement to
cure the lonely blues. One may also indulge in unhealthy habits, such as
smoking more cigarettes than usual, using illegal drugs or going on shopping
binges. Any activity that you do not display when in a relationship and it
is detrimental to your health, finances or emotional wellbeing is a warning
flag.
If a person recognizes these signs and admits
to being a relationship addict, there are several steps that one can take
to attempt to overcome this problem. As cliché as it may sound,
remember the saying You came into this world alone, you will leave
this world alone. People will encounter a large array of others throughout
their life: Acquaintances, friends, lovers. Most of the people we meet along
our journey will enter and at some point, they will leave. One must forget
about the fairy tales of princes and accept the reality of which we live
in.
In sustaining a relationship, one must take into
consideration that no other person on the God given Earth is perfect. If
hoping to find a perfect mate, you will remain in an endless cycle. This
is not to say that one should lower their standards, or enter into a relationship
with someone who does not display all of the qualities we seek in a mate.
The important key is that one is realistic of the qualities that they desire
for their mate to possess.
If you are replacing a man with bad and damaging
habits, it may help to understand that there is nothing wrong, stereotyping
or nor is it deemed as less than acceptable to be single. When
one is single, it presents a terrific opportunity to focus on their life,
their work, their health, their emotional growth. Do not look at this time
as an in-between time, rather look at it for what it is: A phase
of your life in which you are being self-sufficient and in control of your
own life.
If one has patience, a realistic outlook and
high self-esteem, one places themselves in a fantastic position. When the
right person comes along, your physical and emotional health will be optimal,
thus allowing you to enjoy the relationship that ensues. If the relationship
falters, and you do not allow yourself to be a relationship addict, you will
be able to deal with the situation, hold your head high and go back to being
singles without feeling shame. Take pride in whatever life you have created
for yourself. While we will always seek out and notice people in better
situations, we usually fail to recognize those that are less fortunate than
we are. Be grateful of what you do have, and be realistic of the goals you
set for yourself.
Back
Written by Alisa Chagon, webmaster and
sole writer of
http://www.lovebulletin.com |
|
Win Boyfriend
Back
How
to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back
- By using these basic, down-to-earth
strategies, anyone can get an ex-boyfriend back and turn a broken relationship
back into a loving, lasting one - or make their current relationships deeper
and more fulfilling.
| Getting
To Commitment
Mr. Steven Carter's great insights into
relationship dynamics are presented here in an easy-to-understand language,
and without overdoing the psychological perspectives. Many commitment questions
are answered here in this book. A must read for anyone afflicted with commitment
issues or involved with someone who is.
|
| He's
Scared, She's Scared
Available for the first time in paperback,
this follow-up to the phenomenally successful
Men Who Can't Love tackles
the issue of commitmentphobia, that persistent obstacle to truly satisfying
contemporary relationships. Authors Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol explore
why modern men and women are torn between the desire for intimacy and the
equally intense need for independence. Drawing on numerous interviews and
real-life scenarios, and written with humor, insight, and the kind of wisdom
gained by personal experience,
He's
Scared, She's Scared offes guidance for all of us who want genuine,
sustained intimacy with our romantic partners.
|
| Men
Who Can't Love
This book saved me from going crazy and
from wasting any more of my precious time with a man who is a consumate
commitmentphobic. I got this book after a therapist friend of mine said that
all my complaining and moaning about my commitmentphobic boyfriend sounded
just like the people in this book she'd read -
"Men
Who Can't Love". I got on line and nabbed a copy. What
a life saver! My jaw dropped as I read this book because it describes the
behaviors of commitmentphobics precisely as I have been experiencing my
boyfriend's behavior. It's so true that the more I pressed him for answers
while trying to understand his avoidant behaviors, the more he withdrew from
me. "I don't wanna talk about it" is his mantra. All his behaviors were laid
out like his biography in this book. It was shocking and revealing at the
same time.
|
| I
Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality
This is a
great book for an inside look at Borderline Personality Disorder. If you
have a person with BPD in life this book is a must have. If you have BPD
it will help you understand that some of your behaviors that seem unusual
to other are understandable and can be explained and
treated. |
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