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The Relationship Mistake of
Settling
By Gary
Caine
There are generally two types of mindset when
it comes to the prospect of being in a serious, loving relationship with
someone. There are those who are quite content being independent and single,
they perceive a relationship as a bonus, should someone special enter their
life. They are quite self-sufficient and by no means need to have a relationship.
They, by and large, are open the idea, should life bring them in that
direction.
Then there are those who crave a relationship.
They yearn for a relationship, to such an extreme, that they make an unwise
choice that leads to sadness, dissatisfaction and broken hearts. The majority
of the adult single population fit into the later way of thinking. Desiring
a loving, nurturing and safe relationship, they do it: they settle.
Settling is entering into a relationship with
a less than desirable mate for the sake of escaping the single life. It is
quite common and only inevitably leads down a road of frustration. Caught
up in the swirl of desperately trying to find "the one" and the constant
ticking of the clock reminding people that they are getting older by the
moment, can cause this to happen.
If one settles for a less than pleasing relationships
out of the fear of being single and the longing to be a couple, once the
relationships falter, the result will be a life full of heartaches. If choosing
to remain in the relationship, it will certainly lead to living a life that
is not the one truthfully desired. If a person has had a string of broken
hearts or is very unsatisfied in their relationship, looking at this from
the standpoint of being responsible for whom you choose to be with in a
relationship, may bring new perspective to the possibility of settling. If
settling is occurring, identifying this as the underlying problem, a person
can take preventive measures. |
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to Win Back Their
Attraction!
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| Let us look deeper into the reasons of why
one settles. We are raised to believe that the ideal life is one in which
we fall in love, marry and then have usually have children. Creating our
own family and growing old with our soul mate is instilled in our minds from
a very young age. As we enter our late teenage years and early twenties,
we are usually weaving our way through relationships, trying to decipher
what type of person best fits our needs to sustain a healthy and loving
relationship. If a person does not find a truly compatible mate, one that
fulfills their emotional and physical needs, provides love, understanding,
concern and support through life's difficulties, it is at this time that
one may opt to settle.
There are several aspects involved when one settles.
A person may not even realize that they are indeed settling. Fed up with
breakups and longing for a stable relationship, a person may settle for a
less than compatible relationship. In the beginning of the relationship,
this person will feel a temporary relief from the difficulties of being single.
With the stereotype of being single in their past, they will enter a relationship
full force. Ignoring red flag warnings, and dismissing any subconscious doubts,
this person will remain in the relationship until it falls apart. The
relationship may be stormy, as a result of an false connection, or it may
be a rather peaceful relationship but lacking the strong and powerful love
that one deserves.
Settling may bring temporary happiness, however
the key word is temporary. When a person is in a relationship that is not
the ideal one for them, they are choosing to close off the option of finding
true love. This is not fair to the either person in the relationship. We
all desire love. We all desire for someone to care for us above all else.
We all desire the feeling of being safe and secure in the arms of another.
Setting does not produce those results.
If realizing that you are settling, ask yourself
this: Do you wish to spend your time in a relationship that is doomed or
will bring you limited satisfaction? If entering into one relationship after
another with people that you know do not possess the qualities that you are
ultimately seeking, do you wish to continue doing so, knowing it will lead
to disappointment when the relationship ends?
We all possess the capability to set reasonable
expectations in a future mate. Looking into our hearts, we know what type
of person will fulfill our needs. Remaining single and waiting to meet someone
that will provide you with a truly loving relationship is wise. You should
be pleased that you are abiding to your standards. Falsely believing that
continuing to remain single is such a dreadful choice, and settling is the
option you choose, you will be losing the prospect of truly enjoying your
life bonded with someone you undoubtedly love.
Copyright 2006 Gary Caine
Back
For more articles on love, dating, divorce
and parenting visit Gary's 3 web sites.
The Singles Cafe at
www.singlescafe.net
Women's Home Page at
www.womens-homepage.com
Men's Home Page at
www.mens-homepage.com
Please email me and let me know where
you posted it.
gary@singlescafe.net |
|
Win Boyfriend
Back
How
to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back
- By using these basic, down-to-earth
strategies, anyone can get an ex-boyfriend back and turn a broken relationship
back into a loving, lasting one - or make their current relationships deeper
and more fulfilling.
| Getting
To Commitment
Mr. Steven Carter's great insights into
relationship dynamics are presented here in an easy-to-understand language,
and without overdoing the psychological perspectives. Many commitment questions
are answered here in this book. A must read for anyone afflicted with commitment
issues or involved with someone who is.
|
| He's
Scared, She's Scared
Available for the first time in paperback,
this follow-up to the phenomenally successful
Men Who Can't Love tackles
the issue of commitmentphobia, that persistent obstacle to truly satisfying
contemporary relationships. Authors Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol explore
why modern men and women are torn between the desire for intimacy and the
equally intense need for independence. Drawing on numerous interviews and
real-life scenarios, and written with humor, insight, and the kind of wisdom
gained by personal experience,
He's
Scared, She's Scared offes guidance for all of us who want genuine,
sustained intimacy with our romantic partners.
|
| Men
Who Can't Love
This book saved me from going crazy and
from wasting any more of my precious time with a man who is a consumate
commitmentphobic. I got this book after a therapist friend of mine said that
all my complaining and moaning about my commitmentphobic boyfriend sounded
just like the people in this book she'd read -
"Men
Who Can't Love". I got on line and nabbed a copy. What
a life saver! My jaw dropped as I read this book because it describes the
behaviors of commitmentphobics precisely as I have been experiencing my
boyfriend's behavior. It's so true that the more I pressed him for answers
while trying to understand his avoidant behaviors, the more he withdrew from
me. "I don't wanna talk about it" is his mantra. All his behaviors were laid
out like his biography in this book. It was shocking and revealing at the
same time.
|
| I
Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality
This is a
great book for an inside look at Borderline Personality Disorder. If you
have a person with BPD in life this book is a must have. If you have BPD
it will help you understand that some of your behaviors that seem unusual
to other are understandable and can be explained and
treated. |
|
